Peeking Into a Former Life

A Story From a Mom You Would Never Expect to Have a Wild Past

The individual’s name is being withheld and the workplace has been changed for the sake of privacy and protection.

Have you ever been involved in a completely normal conversation with someone and then they casually drop a detail about their life that makes your brain short-circuit?

That’s exactly what happened here. 

The woman behind this story is incredibly successful, an amazing mother, devout in her religious beliefs, and she is absolutely hilarious. 

I hesitated to share this one, as I don’t want to be mistaken for someone who promotes drug use or illegal activity. 

Ultimately, the reason why I decided to share this story is that: 

1) It cracked me up and felt like a chaotic scene from a buddy movie.

2) It’s a perfect reminder that your past does not have to define your future.

Let’s get to it, shall we? 

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Me: I’ve had this stupid, nagging headache for the past four days. 

Her: Have you taken anything for it? 

Me: Yes, but it doesn’t seem to be working. 

Her: Maybe it’s a bad batch. 

Me: What? 

Her: Like the medicine. Maybe it was a bad batch. 

Me: Is that a thing? 

Her: Back when I sold E, I got accused of selling a bad batch. 

Me: Um. What? Did I just hear that right? 

Her: Oh, yeah. Back in my <air quote> crazy days <air quote> I had a little side business. 

Me: I might have just died. Is this for real? 

Her: Yeah. My day job at a wedding dress store didn’t exactly pay the bills. I needed to supplement my income. 

Me: You can’t stop there. I’m going to need the entire story. 

Her: When I was younger, I followed all the rules. I didn’t sneak out, I didn’t party, and I never got in trouble. It wasn’t until my late 20s that I started going out to raves and stuff. 

Me: You went from zero to raves?!?

Her: Yeah. And, you may have heard, people at raves is take E. They were like $20 a pop. Then I started hanging out with this super adorable guy who told me I could buy them in bulk for $3 each. 

Me: That’s one heck of a markup. 

Her: Right? Well, my entrepreneurial brain lit up like a Christmas tree and before I knew it, I was driving to this super sketchy area of town to pick up my supply. 

Me: Weren’t you nervous about driving around with it? 

Her: Well, my brother was in the scene too and he started selling them for me, which was perfect because I didn’t know anybody who needed to buy E in bulk. But then one of the customers started threatening my brother, saying that he sold him bunk stuff and he wanted his money back. 

Me: Oh shit. 

Her: Yeah. Oh shit. He started getting forceful with my brother. Meanwhile, I was just a young, single woman on the hustle, trying to hold it down at my day job. I didn’t have time to haggle over bad drugs. Plus, I had already spent the money! Like, hello. Mama needed a new pair of shoes. 

Me: Obviously you would spend drug money on shoes. 

Her: Right? Well, back at the dress boutique, I was already being watched like a hawk. It was one of those super high end places where we had to wear tailored suits, they only played classical music, and security was always walking the floor. I was at work when the guy came in to find me and demanded a refund.

Me: NO! 

Her: Yep. I didn’t have the money to pay him back, and I wasn’t about to drive back to Sketchville to ask the supplier for a refund, so I only had one choice - I had to go toe-to-toe with the guy and prove him wrong. So I popped a pill right then and there. 

Me: While you were at work?!?

Her: It really felt like my only choice. The guy was starting to draw unwelcome attention and I needed to get rid of him. Spoiler alert - it wasn’t a bad batch. 

Me: OMG.

Her: Within a couple hours I was a complete mess. I was sweating, nauseous, freaking out over Mozart, and in desperate need of hydration… and lasers. 

Me: At work. 

Her. Well, not for long. I ended up getting sent home. I called my brother for a ride and showed him undeniable, living proof that the pills were legit. 

Me: Then what? 

Her: Then I decided to get my life together. 

Me: Wow. I did NOT see that coming. You could have been a cautionary tale. Now look at you. 

Her: Yeah. I’m a real inspiration. Don’t get high at work, kids! I mean... don't get high, kids!

Me: Nice save. Guess what? My headache is gone. 

Her: I’m an inspiration and a healer. Happy to help.